I've torn through several relationships along my competitive path- bodybuilding seems to be a lonely sport.
Alone when I eat, when I sleep, alone when I train- even alone when the stage lights come on and I stand before the crowd। There is just something about competing that is isolating.
It's Friday night and I'm out with some friends, but still, I'm alone। There's a plain chicken breast and broccoli on my restaurant plate, and calamari, crab cakes, steak slathered in blue cheese, and potato skins on theirs. My glass of water with lemon pales in comparison to the alcohol buffet around me- their martinis and margaritas and beer. Yep- something doesn't belong here- and once again, it's me.
What you see is what you get- and I always let people know that upfront. Prepping my meals, my gym time, and certainly my sleep are non negotiable. Yet the same phrases seem to surface, "You can't just have one drink?" or "Can't you skip the gym this one time?", "You'll live if you don't eat every 3 hours on the nose Alli", or my personal favorite, "Do you have carry that stupid gallon jug everywhere?"
Well, actually, yes- I do.
Just as I have to eat this plain chicken breast now. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love a martini, or a steak slathered in blue cheese, but I'm focused on the bigger picture here. Myself on stage 3 months from now. I'm having visions of pro cards. I'm thinking about weights, about the arc trainer, about ripped abs and hard glutes. With a picture as big as all that, who gives a shit about a martini.
A bodybuilder once told me, to survive in this sport you must be selfish. To succeed, the self has to come first. When you prep, there is the contest, nothing else. You need to have tunnel vision. My selfishness is not for profit or pleasure, but for personal achievement. I call it temporary discomfort for longterm satisfaction. I'm not eating a plain chicken breast because I want to, but because its a small part of the bigger plan- there's something I need to accomplish and nothing's going to come between me and it- nothing. When I step on stage I need to do so with the knowledge that I did everything I could possibly do to bring my best. Anything less then that knowledge, is failing.
If I need to be selfish to get there, so be it.
